Day two: ch-ch-ch-changes

My housemates just got home with a gigantic, delicious cheesy pizza that smells SO AMAZING.

and I just had the power to say NO THANK YOU when they asked me if I wanted some.

I was so amped yesterday. I joined 24 hour fitness and I felt good, but joining does nothing unless I go. So my plan yesterday was to get up early today and go before work, but I found out I was having a half day at work today so I just decided to sleep and go in the afternoon.

I got to work and drank a GIANT coffee. I hate coffee and I don't ever drink it, but my work has this AMAZING coffee. It's probably NOT the best idea to find a new drink (with calories) when I'm trying to lose weight... so if I continue, I'm going to have to learn to like it without cream and splenda. Or just not drink it period. Anyway, point being, I was super jumpy all day, but by the time it got to be time to go to the gym I started to psyche myself out.

I went though! For the first time in over 6 months. I am waaaaaay out of shape. I had called 24 hour fitness yesterday after I joined and told them I didn't want to go through the hassle of listening to them try to sell me extra things I didn't want, or a bigger package I couldn't afford and that I could find my way around. Quite honestly, that's why I didn't join earlier. Last time I joined, they did the body fat percentage and stuff and basically it was a mortifying and uncomfortable experience so I decided to bypass all that crap and just start exercising.

Silly me, I joined the gym next to my work thinking it would be a perfect location because it was close to work etc, but I forgot that the city it's in is full of beautiful, wealthy, perfect people so when I walked in, I felt a bit out of place. But BEFORE I walked in, I must have had an uncertain look on my face because the woman walking out had a big smile on her face and said hello to me and said she hoped I'd have a good workout. That was nice, seeings how this was my first visit ever to this particular gym.

I weighed myself before I worked out... ready? This is the first time I've ever admitted my weight publicly.

288.

This is BY FAR the heaviest I've ever been. Before, the heaviest I'd ever been was 236. So if there was any time to start hardcore, now's the time. Ouch.

So I went upstairs and I did a level 8 on the elliptical trainer for the maximum amount of minutes it would let me do, which was only 16 on RANDOM.

It's amazing how 16 minutes is nothing when you're watching TV, sitting around, playing on the internet, eating or doing anything but exercising. That was the longest 16 minutes ever. But there were lots of cute boys to look at so it was okay. And good motivation :)

I used the calf raise too, because it was the only piece of equipment that looked somewhat user-friendly and was in a more isolated area. There were lots of beefy men, not too many women but I refuse to join Curves so I'll take what I can get.

Anyway, I figured it out, if I stick to some of my regular eating habits, I should start seeing some changes:

for breakfast I always have a 100 calorie container of low-fat yogurt. And for lunch I've just been having a protein bar. If I get REALLY hungry, I have one of those 100 calorie pack things in between. Dinner is variable, but I start weight watchers tomorrow so I should get a better idea of what I should be eating soon.

LASTLY... before this turns into a novel, a side note.

I am not an alcoholic. But I drink a lot. Like, in the past 6 months or so, I have not been able to go more than 2-3 days without getting drunk. Mostly, because I was depressed, but more because I was bored and had no motivation. I just graduated from college and work a boring boring job, and had nothing really to look forward to. Well, this past weekend I got a reality check when I woke up on the bathroom floor. So I haven't had a drink since then, and if you've ever been alcohol dependent, that's a big step in the right direction. I really do think it was out of boredom though, I wasn't really depressed, I just had nothing better to do. Same with getting stoned. I'd never done it before, and 3 months after I started drinking that heavily I got bored and had nothing better to do, so why not? Well I stopped that too.

I have that kind of personality, I can stop some things cold turkey. I became a vegetarian a long time ago cold turkey and didn't go back until I was forced to. That being said, I hope cutting way back on the alcohol will help me lose some pounds too.

So I realize I'm unhealthy, out of shape, overweight and have a lot of work ahead of me, but putting this all out there is like some of that weight is already gone off my shoulders. I'm doing this all by myself, nobody knows I joined WW or 24, and nobody knows that I'm trying to lose weight. Mostly because it's taboo in my life, I dont talk about it. It's the 288 elephant in the room. There's a lot of secrets in my life that I dont talk about, and this is just another one.

For those who commented on my last post, THANK YOU. My support is coming from a higher power and from those I find online trekking the same journey, so I appreciate the thoughts :)

So as my roommates eat that pizza that smells so good, I think about how sweaty and gross I felt when I was on the elliptical machine 2 hours ago and how much effort it took to burn that 230 calories and I'm okay with saying no and eating yummy vegetable soup instead. And this might be the first friday night in three years I didn't get drunk - okay not the FIRST, but definitely one of the few. And if it does happen, it wont be too much because I have my first WW meeting tomorrow! (Keep in mind, I've been in college for the last 4 years.... college=bad eating habits, drinking too much, and weird eating habits!)

And now, for the quote of the day:


"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"