i havent owned a scale in YEARS. not since i was a freshman in college. so i went out to target today and bought one.

i've lost 10 pounds since i started this blog. basically by doing nothing. i started out way back when and was 10 pounds heavier. i am constantly weighing myself because i love watching that number go down. i know a lot of people say stay away from the numbers and the scales, but it's such a good motivator. it sits in my room next to my stair stepper and every time i get lazy and think, "maybe i wont go to the gym" or when im about to eat something i could do without, its a nice reminder that the scale doesn't lie.

that being said, i went to the gym tonight and it felt SO GOOD. its nice to have a gym partner... we dont do anything together but the pure practice of actually GOING and because someone else is there, you cant back out. so it's good.

i'm excited to lose weight. be proud! i had half the food i normally have at dinner AND turned down beer at a lost-marathon. me? turn down beer? something must be wrong. :)

i had a bottle of water instead and was just fine.

I should have known my horoscope was giving me a warning yesterday. I've been just fine the past few weeks but my horoscope yesterday for today was that i'd get moody all of a sudden and they weren't kidding. everything is making me angry.

I checked my email about 20 minutes ago and saw I had one from yahoo personals. i had TOTALLY forgotten I had made a personals profile when i was 19 and thought I was ugly, fat etc and wanted a boyfriend. and what I had to say was mortifying. But what was even more mortifying were my pictures. I hardly recognized myself. What have I done to myself? I copied and pasted one of them into photoshop and took a photo I took last weekend and compared the faces and I don't even recognize the person from when I was 19. i am in total shock. I didn't think it was that bad, now I wonder what other people think. Holy crap. I immediately deleted the personals thing. I can't believe I did that in the first place, but wow.

I feel like I'm headed towards a downward spiral. But maybe it's what I need to pick myself off the floor and stop being lame. Yesterday I prayed for the first time in forever and I asked for motivation to change my lifestyle.

Maybe this was it.