It's like that chick who did the e-harmony i like cats video and the song that followed shortly thereafter.
My sister has really gotten on the dieting/exercising bandwagon and it's annoying to see her progress and loss when I have stayed the same/gained. So, here I am... again.
I went to a 5k today... the last time I went was when my husband and I were newly dating and I was his cheerleader. Today he did it again and I again, was the cheerleader. Just 50 pounds heavier. The ironic thing is that he is currently 50 pounds heavier as well.
I went to the doctor the other day and got the results. My liver, cholestoral, and blood pressure are terrible for someone my age. That's pretty fing pathetic if you ask me.
I really need to take a good hard look at how I'm living my life and how it will affect me in the future. I am setting a three month goal of losing 15 pounds, which doesn't sound like much at all, but when I've failed for so long I need to try something doable. Especially during the holidays.
We went and bought a exercise bike today off of craigslist. We've been watching a lot of tv lately because my job is super stressful and tiring so when we get home that's pretty much all we do. This way I can at least log some time on the bike and relax at the same time.
I also need to cut out drinking and stop eating out. THose two are my biggest vices. So for the next three months I'm making the promise to myself and to this blog that I'll follow through with some sort of plan and work hard at it in order for it to become habit. I have a lot at stake, it's really important that I just get my act together.
Goal for this week:
-Ride the bike for at least 10 minutes every day
-Go on 2-3 walks with the hub
-Take the stairs instead of the elevator at least 5 times/day
-Drink more water and less booze
-Go to bed earlier
-Wake up earlier
-Use my shake-weight
-Blog more
It's not so much the eating part, it's the drinking and the lack of exercise. I get bored at night so by finding some sort of activity to do that helps me relax would be good.
I feel like I've probably burned any readers I ever had with this blog and it's totally my bad. I keep saying I'll stick with it, and then I don't. My sister's birthday is tomorrow, and mine is in 4 months, so as a present to her I'll work on getting my shit together and taking better care of myself.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I'm back... again
I come back to this blog in tears, because I read the entire thing from beginning to end. Back in 2007 I was so excited to lose weight and to blog about it. I was in such a different place back then, and it brings me to tears to see where I am today. I am disappointed. In myself, my lack of will power, and how I have let myself "go". I never thought I would be that person.
I had a dream last night that my brother called me and told me it was time for an intervention. I woke up thinking it had really happened and I was not only hurt and embarrassed, I was mortified and terrified. What has my life become?
I went to the doctor back around Christmas time, or I guess it was after New Years. I knew I had gained weight, I felt it, but I didn't think it was that much.
317. I weighed 317 pounds.
Just seeing that number makes me think of that show that's airing around now (i haven't watched it) where the chick says something like, "i never thought i would be bigger than the biggest girl on the Biggest Loser".
That's how I feel about now.
Since then, i lost weight and got down to about 305 or so, but I just weighed myself today after a three week binge and I am 315.
This is so disappointing, especially when I think back at the past few years. I stopped working at that boring office job, I got a boyfriend, I went to and graduated from graduate school, I got married, and here I am at the beginning of a new job hunt. Who wants to hire a 315 pound person?
I put myself in therapy a few months back, But I've not been able to talk about my drinking or any of my other bad habits, or especially anything about food and dieting. My brothers girlfriend took the liberty to give me a diet plan. I think i was subconsciously saying, "fuck you" by doing the opposite of it, which resulted in more weight gain.
I never did have a solid group of blog followers, and I blame myself because i was so inconsistent. I feel now though, I need to be serious about my health. I'm scared to though, because it's ANOTHER start to a long journey. I don't know what it is that scares me about putting on some running shoes and going out for a walk or a bike ride. It's so much easier to stay at home in my PJ's doing nothing. But that's not a life.
I want a baby. I want to have children. Not immediately, not even in the next year or two (or three?) but eventually. And as I was cleaning out my closet today, I found the belt, the one belt that I own, that I used to wear on a daily basis. I think it's a size 3 or 4 from Torrid. I was embarrassed by that belt when I took it off because it was so long. But it was a body marker... if it was on the 4th hole, it was a skinny day and I felt good.
I can't even put the belt around my waist right now. It doesn't fit.
I can't believe I am writing this right now.
I have been wearing the same clothes now for a month (yes I do laundry). I don't have anything that fits. And I dont have a job, so I can't buy new clothes.
I guess that leads me to one conclusion: it's time to try again.
I had a dream last night that my brother called me and told me it was time for an intervention. I woke up thinking it had really happened and I was not only hurt and embarrassed, I was mortified and terrified. What has my life become?
I went to the doctor back around Christmas time, or I guess it was after New Years. I knew I had gained weight, I felt it, but I didn't think it was that much.
317. I weighed 317 pounds.
Just seeing that number makes me think of that show that's airing around now (i haven't watched it) where the chick says something like, "i never thought i would be bigger than the biggest girl on the Biggest Loser".
That's how I feel about now.
Since then, i lost weight and got down to about 305 or so, but I just weighed myself today after a three week binge and I am 315.
This is so disappointing, especially when I think back at the past few years. I stopped working at that boring office job, I got a boyfriend, I went to and graduated from graduate school, I got married, and here I am at the beginning of a new job hunt. Who wants to hire a 315 pound person?
I put myself in therapy a few months back, But I've not been able to talk about my drinking or any of my other bad habits, or especially anything about food and dieting. My brothers girlfriend took the liberty to give me a diet plan. I think i was subconsciously saying, "fuck you" by doing the opposite of it, which resulted in more weight gain.
I never did have a solid group of blog followers, and I blame myself because i was so inconsistent. I feel now though, I need to be serious about my health. I'm scared to though, because it's ANOTHER start to a long journey. I don't know what it is that scares me about putting on some running shoes and going out for a walk or a bike ride. It's so much easier to stay at home in my PJ's doing nothing. But that's not a life.
I want a baby. I want to have children. Not immediately, not even in the next year or two (or three?) but eventually. And as I was cleaning out my closet today, I found the belt, the one belt that I own, that I used to wear on a daily basis. I think it's a size 3 or 4 from Torrid. I was embarrassed by that belt when I took it off because it was so long. But it was a body marker... if it was on the 4th hole, it was a skinny day and I felt good.
I can't even put the belt around my waist right now. It doesn't fit.
I can't believe I am writing this right now.
I have been wearing the same clothes now for a month (yes I do laundry). I don't have anything that fits. And I dont have a job, so I can't buy new clothes.
I guess that leads me to one conclusion: it's time to try again.
Friday, April 16, 2010
i'm baaaack
um, hi.
it's 2010. how did that happen?
so here's the thing. i'm back where I used to be. so i decided to visit my good old blog, since i didn't really want a paper copy laying around my house.
i had a wake up call today.
let me back up. i've had a lot of life changes. i got a boyfriend, got laid off, got into graduate school, got engaged, and as of tomorrow, i have three months until my wedding.
not only am i back to where i started weight wise, i'm pretty sure i have a drinking problem.
so it's really time to make some changes.
today, i woke up with the worst hangover i've had in a long time, i ate really crappy fast food and then gorged on sushi and frozen yogurt.
but, i didn't have any alcohol, and i started the trader joes cleanse.
it's a start right?
this needs to be a lifestyle change. i'm getting married. i want to have kids someday. i need to stop drinking, start eating better, start exercising, and take back my life. i have such a bright future in front of me, it's really time to realize it and make sure i have it to look forward to.
today:
tomorrow this changes
it's 2010. how did that happen?
so here's the thing. i'm back where I used to be. so i decided to visit my good old blog, since i didn't really want a paper copy laying around my house.
i had a wake up call today.
let me back up. i've had a lot of life changes. i got a boyfriend, got laid off, got into graduate school, got engaged, and as of tomorrow, i have three months until my wedding.
not only am i back to where i started weight wise, i'm pretty sure i have a drinking problem.
so it's really time to make some changes.
today, i woke up with the worst hangover i've had in a long time, i ate really crappy fast food and then gorged on sushi and frozen yogurt.
but, i didn't have any alcohol, and i started the trader joes cleanse.
it's a start right?
this needs to be a lifestyle change. i'm getting married. i want to have kids someday. i need to stop drinking, start eating better, start exercising, and take back my life. i have such a bright future in front of me, it's really time to realize it and make sure i have it to look forward to.
today:
- 1 piece of pizza
- 2 cookies
- coleslaw, diet coke, brownie, and 3 piece chicken strip from chic fil a
- sushi - veggi roles, miso soup, avocado rolls
- frozen yogurt
- Trader Joes Complete Body Cleanse
- 4 glasses of water
tomorrow this changes
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
15:34
I started this blog on November 8 2007, almost one year ago and I don't really have anything to show for it. that's disappointing, but it's a reality check.
i took a nearly 2 month hiatus, mostly due to moving, but i'm back now and am re-motivated. i went to google pedometer and mapped out my neighborhood and all the different routes I could take and how long each one was. i printed them out and want to laminate them or something and draw out of a hat which one to do in the morning. speaking of, i've been waking up early, like way before my alarm and struggling to go back to sleep.
this morning at 6:40 on the dot, a full hour before i needed to get up. i was thirsty, so i got up, drank some water, and put my gym clothes on and went to the gym. i decided that instead of just doing a machine for a set period of time, i didn't HAVE much time so i would do one mile.
one mile doesn't sound like a lot. it's really not that far. but i told myself it was an incentive to work towards that goal. and as i chugged along on the elliptical machine, i thought about when i was in grade school and high school when the PE teachers used to make us run the mile, and how much i hated it. it was always a race, even though nobody ever admitted it. it sucked being the last person on the track, watching people lap me, and watch everyone else walk back to the gym while i was still out there being tortured, watched by the pe teacher with the stop watch. anything over 12 minutes was considered really bad. i think once it took me as long as 18 minutes. for one mile. that's pathetic.
so this morning at the gym, when i was thinking about all of this and noticed it was taking me four minutes to do 1/4 of a mile (one lap on the track, back in high school), the same amount of time my best friend from high school would race to do one mile (he was an athlete), i decided to just do the one mile, and make it my goal to improve my time. hence the title of this post.
15 minutes and 34 seconds. that's slow. but it's better than 18. just like 267.5, how much i weighed this morning (my scale is off though, but it's the consistent one i use) is too much, but it's better than the 290 i started off as.
baby steps. last night instead of crap food, i had veggie lasagna and a salad. i wont mention the wine and the slice of pizza. but it's an improvement. and this morning i had oatmeal and applesauce and water.
my boyfriend asked me this weekend, (yes! i have a boyfriend now, by the way. he's a good motivator to go to the gym, plus we both have a membership and go together) "hey you want to do a 5k with me?" and i had to tell him no, because i would be the LAST person out there and that would be humiliating (i didn't tell him that). and then i said, "maybe if it was in a few months" because it's in three weeks. after thinking about it, i really started to believe that if i had a few months, then maybe i COULD do a 5k. and then i thought about this blog, how i've failed at it, and how many peoples blogs i used to read whose goals were to do a 5k and i thought, maybe i can do it. and at the bottom of the pile of distance-sorted pedometer maps is 3.15 miles, .05 miles longer than the 5k.
so i'm back, and im going to keep track of things on here better. i want to see all the numbers go down.
i took a nearly 2 month hiatus, mostly due to moving, but i'm back now and am re-motivated. i went to google pedometer and mapped out my neighborhood and all the different routes I could take and how long each one was. i printed them out and want to laminate them or something and draw out of a hat which one to do in the morning. speaking of, i've been waking up early, like way before my alarm and struggling to go back to sleep.
this morning at 6:40 on the dot, a full hour before i needed to get up. i was thirsty, so i got up, drank some water, and put my gym clothes on and went to the gym. i decided that instead of just doing a machine for a set period of time, i didn't HAVE much time so i would do one mile.
one mile doesn't sound like a lot. it's really not that far. but i told myself it was an incentive to work towards that goal. and as i chugged along on the elliptical machine, i thought about when i was in grade school and high school when the PE teachers used to make us run the mile, and how much i hated it. it was always a race, even though nobody ever admitted it. it sucked being the last person on the track, watching people lap me, and watch everyone else walk back to the gym while i was still out there being tortured, watched by the pe teacher with the stop watch. anything over 12 minutes was considered really bad. i think once it took me as long as 18 minutes. for one mile. that's pathetic.
so this morning at the gym, when i was thinking about all of this and noticed it was taking me four minutes to do 1/4 of a mile (one lap on the track, back in high school), the same amount of time my best friend from high school would race to do one mile (he was an athlete), i decided to just do the one mile, and make it my goal to improve my time. hence the title of this post.
15 minutes and 34 seconds. that's slow. but it's better than 18. just like 267.5, how much i weighed this morning (my scale is off though, but it's the consistent one i use) is too much, but it's better than the 290 i started off as.
baby steps. last night instead of crap food, i had veggie lasagna and a salad. i wont mention the wine and the slice of pizza. but it's an improvement. and this morning i had oatmeal and applesauce and water.
my boyfriend asked me this weekend, (yes! i have a boyfriend now, by the way. he's a good motivator to go to the gym, plus we both have a membership and go together) "hey you want to do a 5k with me?" and i had to tell him no, because i would be the LAST person out there and that would be humiliating (i didn't tell him that). and then i said, "maybe if it was in a few months" because it's in three weeks. after thinking about it, i really started to believe that if i had a few months, then maybe i COULD do a 5k. and then i thought about this blog, how i've failed at it, and how many peoples blogs i used to read whose goals were to do a 5k and i thought, maybe i can do it. and at the bottom of the pile of distance-sorted pedometer maps is 3.15 miles, .05 miles longer than the 5k.
so i'm back, and im going to keep track of things on here better. i want to see all the numbers go down.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
i havent owned a scale in YEARS. not since i was a freshman in college. so i went out to target today and bought one.
i've lost 10 pounds since i started this blog. basically by doing nothing. i started out way back when and was 10 pounds heavier. i am constantly weighing myself because i love watching that number go down. i know a lot of people say stay away from the numbers and the scales, but it's such a good motivator. it sits in my room next to my stair stepper and every time i get lazy and think, "maybe i wont go to the gym" or when im about to eat something i could do without, its a nice reminder that the scale doesn't lie.
that being said, i went to the gym tonight and it felt SO GOOD. its nice to have a gym partner... we dont do anything together but the pure practice of actually GOING and because someone else is there, you cant back out. so it's good.
i'm excited to lose weight. be proud! i had half the food i normally have at dinner AND turned down beer at a lost-marathon. me? turn down beer? something must be wrong. :)
i had a bottle of water instead and was just fine.
i've lost 10 pounds since i started this blog. basically by doing nothing. i started out way back when and was 10 pounds heavier. i am constantly weighing myself because i love watching that number go down. i know a lot of people say stay away from the numbers and the scales, but it's such a good motivator. it sits in my room next to my stair stepper and every time i get lazy and think, "maybe i wont go to the gym" or when im about to eat something i could do without, its a nice reminder that the scale doesn't lie.
that being said, i went to the gym tonight and it felt SO GOOD. its nice to have a gym partner... we dont do anything together but the pure practice of actually GOING and because someone else is there, you cant back out. so it's good.
i'm excited to lose weight. be proud! i had half the food i normally have at dinner AND turned down beer at a lost-marathon. me? turn down beer? something must be wrong. :)
i had a bottle of water instead and was just fine.
Friday, May 9, 2008
I should have known my horoscope was giving me a warning yesterday. I've been just fine the past few weeks but my horoscope yesterday for today was that i'd get moody all of a sudden and they weren't kidding. everything is making me angry.
I checked my email about 20 minutes ago and saw I had one from yahoo personals. i had TOTALLY forgotten I had made a personals profile when i was 19 and thought I was ugly, fat etc and wanted a boyfriend. and what I had to say was mortifying. But what was even more mortifying were my pictures. I hardly recognized myself. What have I done to myself? I copied and pasted one of them into photoshop and took a photo I took last weekend and compared the faces and I don't even recognize the person from when I was 19. i am in total shock. I didn't think it was that bad, now I wonder what other people think. Holy crap. I immediately deleted the personals thing. I can't believe I did that in the first place, but wow.
I feel like I'm headed towards a downward spiral. But maybe it's what I need to pick myself off the floor and stop being lame. Yesterday I prayed for the first time in forever and I asked for motivation to change my lifestyle.
Maybe this was it.
I checked my email about 20 minutes ago and saw I had one from yahoo personals. i had TOTALLY forgotten I had made a personals profile when i was 19 and thought I was ugly, fat etc and wanted a boyfriend. and what I had to say was mortifying. But what was even more mortifying were my pictures. I hardly recognized myself. What have I done to myself? I copied and pasted one of them into photoshop and took a photo I took last weekend and compared the faces and I don't even recognize the person from when I was 19. i am in total shock. I didn't think it was that bad, now I wonder what other people think. Holy crap. I immediately deleted the personals thing. I can't believe I did that in the first place, but wow.
I feel like I'm headed towards a downward spiral. But maybe it's what I need to pick myself off the floor and stop being lame. Yesterday I prayed for the first time in forever and I asked for motivation to change my lifestyle.
Maybe this was it.
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