these wheels keep on turnin'

Last tuesday I went to my first WW meeting, and was mildly motivated to stick to it. I'm proud to say that I worked really hard and I ate pretty well all week. Most days I got down to eating most of the points, but my problem is I always have some left over. I have a very strict (normal) eating pattern up until I leave work and get home by 6pm, and don't let myself stray. It's when I get home and have to figure out dinner that I falter. Between roommates eating various different foods, roommates drinking wine and me wanting some, and just being lazy and hating to cook, I end up eating something simple like a burrido or canned soup. Which isn't bad, but it's all processed/pasteurized etc. I dont like cooking meat, because I don't know how and I hate touching raw meat.

But for the most part, I ate really well. My biggest issues is when I drink, I binge eat. Like, crazy binge eat. So im still trying to drink less, which I have been doing better on as well.


So when I went to my second WW meeting last night, I felt pretty good. I didn't really know what to do when I got there, so I just walked to the back with my card thing and explained that I didn't know where to go. She said it was okay and so I gave her my weigh in card and hopped on the scale. I made a point to wear similar clothing as last time, as to not add the weight of jeans etc, and the leader said, "well, you went up a little this week."

I nearly burst into tears. It was a +.4 or +.5 of a pound, and the way she said it made me feel like she was looking at me like a failure. I can't believe I GAINED in the last week. I ate so much better... when we ate out, I planned ahead, I made sure I didn't go over in points, I ate tons more fruits, and I tried drinking more water. I didn't eat one bite of fast food. I was so dissapointed, and when she asked if I was staying for the meeting I said yes, though the second I walked out I almost sprinted for the door. I was mortified and felt disgusting. Especially since the people in this meeting were SO different than the last meeting. I went to the one I'll regularly be going to (the later one, i went to the earlier one last week because I got off of work early) and everyone in the group was SKINNY. Like, why were they there? There were like, 5 fat people vs, well, everyone in the last weeks' class. I found the meeting kind of useless, other than I felt gross and hated when the leader called me out and gave me my 2 week bookmark.

So when I left, I felt like crap. And I screamed at myself. And said fuck it, this isn't going to work. But then I thought about what I did wrong. I binge when I drink. I still drink too much. I don't exercise. I don't drink enough water. I need more veggies. So when I started thinking about dinner (I was so hungry) I decided I didn't want to cook, and I'd pick up sushi on the way home. But when I got closer, I thought, "hey, I could go home, order it, and walk there, by the time it would be done, I'd be there if I left right now." so I went home, put on my new running shoes, called in the order, and started walking. It was SO cold, but the shoes made a difference. My old ones were, well, old. I brought my ipod with me, but decided to call a friend instead, and it made the time go by so fast. All of a sudden I was at the sushi place, then I was on my way home. 3,299 steps/1.3 miles/35 minutes later, I was back home with my sushi, I had caught up with two friends and had gotten some easy exercise in. (mind you, some of that 35 minutes was paying at the sushi place and waiting) So i felt better. I got two orders, and only had one. :)

This week, I'm going to drink more water, drink less alcohol, eat less at night when I'm home, make an effort to do more exercise at night. Oh, and DO something this weekend. I end up laying in bed all weekend, either because im lazy or hung over. or both. I actually have to do something on saturday, so it's an incentive to not drink on friday and get up early on saturday. :)

Before I forget, this is my daily food intake:

Breakfast: 7:45am
Either one bowl of instant oatmeal (honey nut.... 170 cals/3.5 fat/3 fiber) or a bowl of honey nut cheerios with 1% milk)

Lunch: 12:30pm
1 trader joes string cheese (60 cals/1.5 fat)
4 peices of butterball honey turkey (70 cals per 4 peices, 1 gram fat, 0 fiber)
1 apple
Baked chips (doritos lately)
sometimes chocolate soy milk
sometimes a tangerine

Snack: 5:30pm
carrots

Dinner: 6:30 or 7pm
Burrido (small flour tortilla, 1/2 cup refried beans, 1/4 or 1/2 cup shredded cheese... about 6 points total)
OR Chunky vegetable soup (so good... like 170 cals/1g fat)
OR veggie stir fry with or without tofu


So I really dont see how I could gain weight eating that. It's so frustrating.

And that's my normal diet. I dont really get hungry on it, and i feel like it's pretty healthy. But I do need more fruits/veggies/water.

Sigh. Round two, i suppose